Wednesday, September 10, 2014

So Lucky

I really should be in bed, its like 10:15 and I have to get up early, and well with a baby you never know if you are getting a full nights sleep or an unending series of 20 minute naps.

But I just had to get these thoughts out of my heart.

I'm sitting here reading this article, and then I click over to the Facebook page, and I'm just struck with how freaking beautiful, adorable and perfect that little boy is. First of all, let me just get this out of the way and say fuck you Facebook, that wasn't a mistake, you are just backtracking on a bad PR move. Nice try. My next thought, is how incredibly lucky I am to have the healthy children I do.

I look at those pictures of Hudson and I think of Sadie. Her big beautiful doe eyes and sweet little smile. Her tiny little hands and miniature feets. As hard as the past 2 months have been, I love that little baby so much it hurts. The first month of her life is a total blur to me, I can't remember most of it even now. That kills me, because those memories should be set in stone, but well that's another post for another day. I can't imagine having the memories of my child be shrouded by a hospital and tubes coming out of every orifice. I am so very damn lucky to have the children I do.

Sure they have their issues, what with SPD and reflux, but honestly, in the grand scheme of things those aren't even problems. They are more like nuances of normal. We learn to adapt and make their lives so that those nuances are barely noticeable. And we are lucky that we can do that.

So basically what I'm saying through this late night word salad is that when I read things like that article or see pictures of children who are very ill, my heart just aches and I want to rush into my babies' rooms and scoop them up out of their beds and snuggle them like crazy. Because there are only so many more moments in this life that I can do that, you know before they grow up and start to think I'm weird and embarrassing or whatever.

And now, I think I'll go to bed because I'm sure that my inner monologue sounds much better than this post right now, and I'm gonna read it in the morning and be like "seriously? shoulda gone to bed ya dumb ass!"


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Saturday, September 6, 2014

2 Months

Weight: 10 lbs 5 oz (29th %ile)
Length: 22.5" (60th %ile)
(measurements from 4 days ago at the pediatrician)

Sadie is definitely the little peanut compared to Jack! They are so different from each other, and its really kind of fun to see the differences and wonder what she will grow up to be like.

Eats: Well, we stopped breastfeeding at 5w6d. I tried, I did the best I could, but it was too stressful for me and wasn't working out. So we've switched to formula, and we've been around the block with that: Similac for Supplementation, Similac Sensitive, Target Sensitive, and now finally Gerber GoodStart Soothe, which seems to be working. I still nurse her maybe once every 2-3 days or add in a bottle of breastmilk, simply because it keeps her pooping. Girlfriend gets all sorts of pissed if she doesn't poop on a daily basis. She is her father's daughter, that's for damn sure. But back to eating...she's eating about 2.5-3 oz every 2-3 hours. I tried to bump her up to 4 oz, and she either didn't finish it or puked a good portion of it back up. And from what I've heard and read, babies with GI issues tend to have more small frequent meals. I'm ok with that, as long as she is content.

Sleeps: She is not a good napper, unless she is in the K'Tan, then she will nap for about 3-4 hours. Usually she is a cat-napper for about 20 minutes at a time during the day. She sleeps best swaddled, in the dark, with the sound machine on. She is a good night sleeper so far, and I feel like every time I talk about good sleeping habits I shoot myself in the foot and the kid is up all frigging night. So instead, I'll just bitch about her lack of napping :)

Likes: THE DAMN EXERCISE BALL. Oh my God the damn ball. I have a love hate relationship with it. We bounce on that thing half the day. She loves it. I don't know what it is about it, because even if you stand up and try to replicate the bouncing motion, its not the same and she flips out. My daughter is addicted to the exercise ball. I hope at least I'm getting some sort of benefit/exercise from bouncing on the thing so damn much. We even brought it on our beach vacation, and we bought one for my parents house in CT. Have ball, will travel. Her other like is my sister Kellie, her BFFL. She will smile all day long at Kellie, and its really cute to watch. She also loves Jack, and recognizes his voice and turns her head and smiles at him. Also, he seems to have a pretty good judge of what she needs when she is crying. Maybe because he remembers what its like to be that small?

Dislikes: having reflux and gas. I'm guessing that's the case because she cries so much. And I'm not talking about "bored fussing", I'm talking legit all out screaming. You can tell she is in pain, she cries real tears, jerks her legs up to her belly, arches her back, gets red in the face and scratches herself. It's pretty awful to watch and its actually really heartbreaking. We started Prilosec 3 days ago, and so far, fingers crossed it seems to be working. Oh please oh please oh please oh please let this be it!  Her other dislike continues to be riding in the car. She hates the carseat unless she is fast asleep and the car is moving, or if she is being swung back and forth in it. Heaven help me if I am stuck in traffic or at a red light with her in the car. Lets just say that there is a lot of tears from everyone in the car, and lots of blaring music.

Baby Girl,

Oh Sadie baby, its been a rough month for all of us, especially you. Just when we thought we had this breastfeeding thing down, it became too much stress for me and I made the decision to stop. I think you are much happier with a less stressed mama, right? And then when we thought your reflux was getting better, it decided to get worse. There was a bright spot around 6 weeks when you seemed to be more content and you even started smiling at us! That was pretty awesome. You have the sweetest little smile, and even a sarcastic little smirk. I also love your eyes, you have these big, big blue eyes that just stare into mine when I'm feeding you your bottle. I joke that we are having a staring contest, because I don't ever look away from you, because I just love you so much :)

It breaks my mama heart to see you in so much pain, and I really hope we get to the bottom of this so that you can feel better. All Daddy and I want to do is just snuggle you! We would hold you all day if that's what it took to make you feel better, but somehow, that's not enough. But - we do have your ball :) Baby Girl, that ball is going to be deflated when we are done with it and put in your baby memory box. Because you love that ball. OMG do you love that ball.

I want you to know that even though sometimes I may scream and cry and be so frustrated because you are crying so much, I just want you to feel better and I still love you so much that is unfathomable. I'm doing my best to be a patient mommy and not be such a frazzled stressed out freak. 

You are such a beautiful baby Sadie, and it makes my heart so full to know that you are a part of our lives. You are the baby girl that we waited so long for, and you are everything and more than I ever thought you would be.

I love you,

Jack wanted in on the pictures again, but instead of smiling, it ended in a cheek-poking fest.


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Tuesday, September 2, 2014

First Day of Preschool!

So my baby Nugget has entered the public school system!!!  Crazy to think that 4 years ago this time this little dude was just a mere 2 months old.

Jack is attending the preschool (Pre-K) at the public school so that he can have OT and speech integrated into his classroom day, and the teachers there are certified special education teachers, so he will benefit more from his time there. He is still going to his current daycare and has moved up to PS2 which is more geared towards learning letters, numbers, writing his name etc and just general kindergarten readiness. So essentially I guess you could say that he is going to 2 preschools, but whatever. It will be good for him to be familiar with the school for kindergarten next year, and if he gets better therapy time at the public preschool then I'm all for it!

So we've been prepping him for the past few weeks, talking about how he is going to "the big kid school" or "Karen's school" (Karen is his OT). We had the orientation last week so he could see the classroom, that went ok. It was crazy loud and crowded in there, because it was the AM & PM sessions plus 1-2 parents per kid and some siblings mixed in. He was totally overwhelmed and overstimulated, so we quickly retreated to the quiet corner table with the bristle blocks and then moved on to puzzles. After the orientation we brought him to Target so he could pick out a backpack and a 3-ring binder for his "Preschool Portfolio".

It was a crazy rushed morning today before his first day. I had visions of getting up early and making him pancakes, but that was a joke. I didn't get to bed until midnight last night because I was up filling out his emergency info for school online, then I was being picky about the "first day of _____" printable for him to hold for a picture tomorrow morning, so I ended up making my own. And then I had to pump, move laundry around, wash my face...and well then it was 12:30 and I was crawling into bed. 1:30 AM, Jack is at my bedside asking for milk, 10 minutes later he's in bed with us. 4:30 Sadie wakes up, and pretty much catnaps for 15 minutes at a time until my alarm at 6:30. Of course I push the snooze twice and get up at 6:45. Feed Sadie again, drag Jack out of bed and plop him down with a Pop-Tart and Chuggington on TV. Dress Sadie, put her in the crib with the mobile on, jump in the shower while she wails like a banshee, Mike comes home from work and picks her up, gets Jack dressed and we are out the door at 7:50. Pictures taken on the front step and off we go!

He was totally overwhelmed at the beginning, they had all the classes meet up in the gym, which was loud and busy and overstimulating for him. His little heart was racing and he wouldn't leave our side. So we stayed with him until the kindergarteners left for their classrooms and it was just his class left. Then he lined right up and walked right to his classroom. We watched him put his backpack on his hook, and then he turns around to his teacher, flexes a bicep and says "I'm really strong!".  So.frigging.cute.

No tears from Mommy or Daddy, he's been in daycare for so long that we are used to him being in the care of others. Its weird to think that I have a kid in the public school system, still getting used to that fact. I'm interested in meeting some of the other parents, and seeing who his new little friends are.

And our first school fail? Got there literally 2 minutes late and he was the last one to be picked up, waiting with the teacher. Oops, my bad. ::points to screaming baby::


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